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July 04

The Grayscale World Awaits

 
Somebody iced the sky tonight
in baby blue cream
set the sun down west
a spotlight on this stage
glow glow
its all a glow
every leaf a mint transparency
and in the back
behind it all
night is lurking
deep and brooding
pulling down the fire
and stretching shadows
pulling black like a sheet
over every color
while the grayscale world awaits
 
July 03

Indifference

 
I just finished reading a devotional on Job to close out the day and one of the quotes in the devotional that caught my eye and made me thing is the following:
 
"Job is in a true relationship to God, as the three friends are not: a relationship of heart and soul, life-or-death passion...God is infinite love, and the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Job's love for God is infected with hate, but the three friends' love for God is infected with infifference.Job stays married to God and throws dishes at him; the three friends have a polite nonmarriage, with separate vacations. The family that fights together stays together." - Peter Kreeft
 
I don't know how much I understand what Kreeft is saying but I sense truth in it. If I were to set up a false dichotomy (which I do often) then one side of a relationship would be love and the other side would be indifference (apathy). Love is passionate and indifference just doesn't care. Indifference is whatever. Indifference is meh.
 
Perhaps it is a spectrum with love on the far left and indifference on the far right and the question is where do you land in your relationships? Where are you in your relationship with God, spous, children, friends, etc.?
 
Thoughts to ponder for the weekend.
June 30

Consumption

 
What?
 
A silent weight
presses inside
a dark light
grows/glows
 
can't tell
if it wants out
or
   in
 
every electric emotion
 
go away
come and stay
don't know
but it eats
it consumes
until nothing
 
June 24

Invocation

 
I had the incredible honour of being asked to do the invocation at the 2009 graduation ceremony for the Morden Collegiate Institute. The text to the invocation is as follows:
 

Congratulations to the 2009 graduates of Morden Collegiate Institute. Thank you for the humbling honour of praying the prayer of invocation here today.

An invocation is a time honored tradition that is a calling upon God for assistance. It is a recognition of God’s presence in this place and a public witness of God’s role in the lives of these graduating students. Most importantly it is a welcoming of God’s presence into this moment and a seeking of God’s blessing upon these proceedings and all who are involved.

To invoke God at the beginning of this celebration is surely a good thing. The challenge that each of you, the graduating class, must consider however is to ask yourselves if this is enough and to invoke God’s presence and seek God’s blessing every moment of every day for the rest of your lives and not merely on this one occasion, as important as it is. I know you are up to that challenge and I know God desires to meet you each time you call.

Would you bow with me in prayer?

Almighty God and Loving Lord,

We come before you today in the spirit of anticipation and celebration as we seek to honour the hard work and perseverance of the 2009 graduating class of Morden Collegiate Institute, these your children assembled here before You.

It is our humble request that you gift us with an awareness of your gracious presence and call upon your blessing in the lives of each of these students gathered here, all of the teachers and dignitaries present and every friend and family member as well.

My prayer Lord is that the blessing you bestow here today be carried forward in each of these lives and that it become an empowering strength guiding these young women and men to become a movement of unity, love, justice and compassion rooted and founded upon you.

May each person here, especially the graduating class, take hold of the spirit you offer them and may you be their strength, comfort and guide all the days of their lives. May they learn to invoke your blessing and presence in every moment of every day from this day forward and may they carry you into the world transforming it by your power along the way.

Finally Lord may each one here today come to know that the greatest knowledge to be found is the knowledge of your love and forgiveness freely offered to all who call to you.

Thank you for this graduating class, may they reflect your glory in the lives of all that they encounter.

In Jesus name I pray – Amen.

June 21

Life

 
I had the blessing to be involved in a memorial service for a young couple who's pregnancy ended far too soon. It was a moving and thoroughly appropriate affair and it has got me thinking about life and its value. The child in question died at just over three months. It occurs to me that we have a hard time valuing life before conception. While this may be obvious to most it is often the most obvious things that elude our gaze.
 
To get it out of the way at once I should say that I believe that life begins at conception and that one life is as valuable as another. Now when we speak of value we need to know who's value we speak of for there are different kinds. Most times when we speak of value we speak of it from a human perspective (and some may ask - "well what other kind is there?") but there is a greater measure of value that is absolute in nature as compared to human measures of value which is inherently flawed.
 
By human standards life (and virtually all things) has varying levels of value depending upon a myriad of factors:
 
- length of relationship
- depth of relationship
- contribution to society
- drain upon society
- conformity (or lack) to cultural standards of beauty
 
There are many more examples I'm sure but you get the point. It is because of the application of human standards of value to life that we have the pathetic philosophy of eugenics (which is from the greek meaning Good Born).
 
Wikipedia defines eugenics as "the study of, or belief in, the possibility of improving the qualities of the human species or a human population by such means as discouraging reproduction by persons having genetic defects or presumed to have inheritable undesirable traits (negative eugenics) or encouraging reproduction by persons presumed to have inheritable desirable traits (positive eugenics)."
 
The founder of Planned Parenthood (the strongest advocate of abortion) in the United States was Margaret Sanger. Sanger was a very strong proponent of negative eugenics and wikipedia reports the following:
 

Sanger was a proponent of negative eugenics, a social philosophy which claims that human hereditary traits can be improved through social intervention. Methods of social intervention (targeted at those seen as "genetically unfit") advocated by some negative eugenicists have included selective breeding, sterilization and euthanasia. In A Plan for Peace (1932), for example, Sanger proposed a congressional department to:

Keep the doors of immigration closed to the entrance of certain aliens whose condition is known to be detrimental to the stamina of the race, such as feebleminded, idiots, morons, insane, syphilitic, epileptic, criminal, professional prostitutes, and others in this class barred by the immigration laws of 1924.[20]

And, following:

Apply a stern and rigid policy of sterilization and segregation to that grade of population whose progeny is already tainted or whose inheritance is such that objectionable traits may be transmitted to offspring.[21]

Her first pamphlet read:

It is a vicious cycle; ignorance breeds poverty and poverty breeds ignorance. There is only one cure for both, and that is to stop breeding these things. Stop bringing to birth children whose inheritance cannot be one of health or intelligence. Stop bringing into the world children whose parents cannot provide for them. Herein lies the key of civilization. For upon the foundation of an enlightened and voluntary motherhood shall a future civilization emerge.

Hitler had similar ideas about the need to purify race as did the Greek city state of Sparta and countless other people and civilizations.

I believe a society that is built upon or allows a graident scale of value to human life is doomed to ultimately devalue all life. I believe God values all life from conception onward and that unless we strive for the same sense of value we are going to repeat the same eugenic patterns laid before us.

It is also important to note that this same flawed system of human value leads to programs of euthanasia (greek meaning "good death"). Although both abortion and euthanasia have been rationalized as being systems of mercy helping women deal with unwanted and potentially dangerous pregnancies and giving the elderly, the infirm, the critically ill and in some cases the severely physically/mentally disabled a dignified death.

No matter the rationalizations it is the foundations that ultimately direct the systems that we put in place.

I had a friendly conversation this morning with someone about the value of life and I was moaning about how we put in place barriers of value to the unborn and the parents of children who die as a result of miscarriage (the very term infers fault to the mother). I was saying that if a child were to die one day after birth we would unquestionably have a full funeral but a child who dies in-utero often has no such ceremony and it is ceremony that helps us (parents and others) deal with the grief of loss. Attitudes I have encountered when it comes to memorial services for the unborn run the gamut from annoyance to downright anger that parents would "inconvenience" people with such requests when after all it was "only three months along" as though the child were not human; as though the child was not loved. It is such attitudes that create a barrier within the minds of mothers and fathers who have lost children before birth. They fear even asking for a memorial service. They do not want to inconvenience or burden others with their grief and are condemned to carry the pain within for the restof their days.

 For the past three years we have had Korean students living with us. One of the things I have learned and appreciated about Korean culture is that when a child is born they are considered one year old. In Korea they measure life not from the day it exits the womb but from conception. I believe this makes a huge difference in attitudes toward the unborn.

When I think about the child who died at three months in-utero I am reminded of my sister April who I love dearly. My sister was born three months premature. A mere twelve weeks further along then the child who died in-utero. I wonder - when did she achieve full human value? Was it not from the moment of conception or was it at some nebulous point afterward arbitrarily determined by well-meaning (and sometimes not so well meaning) philosophers and medical ethicists? There are so many people today who would argue that perhaps she should have been allowed to die. After all her birth and ultimate survival came at great cost to society. Her mother a single mother on welfare did not pay for her care. She was flown by helicopter from Guelph to Macmaster Medical Centre in Hamilton no doubt at enormous cost. She spent three months in an incubator being cared for by a public health care system. There are many who would and have argued in hypotheticals that such expenditures are not worth the cost. She was born with cerebral palsy, is slowly losing her eyesight and continues to require assistance from our public health care system. The question in some people's mind is was she worth it? Had she been aborted or died in-utero what would we have lost?

We would have lost:

- a brilliant mind who has a Bachelor's degree in Criminology
- a remarkable public servant who has risen very quickly in the federal department of Border Services
- a supremely talented writer
- a deeply loving sister, daughter, and friend
- a passionate Canadian
- a child of God

What are these things worth? Is she somehow less valuable then the conductor of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra? If we apply arbitrary human standards of value to a life then for some yes but not for me.

I was asked the hypothetical question - if I were to run into a burning building and could save either an in-utero child or a full grown human which would I save? I cannot answer the question. No matter who I save the loss to society in my mind is the same. There is no greater value in me then in the 1 minute old fertized human egg.

The only way we can see human life in such a way is through the eyes of God. Humanity cannot understand such value without a Godly perspective. People of varying cultues nd belief systems wonder if we're losing much by discarding God...well one of the things we will lose is people like my sister because without God and an absolute measure of value people like her rapidly become disposable and discardable. This is horrific. It is inhuman.

All life is of equal value from God's perspective and this is the perspective we need to strive to attain if we wish to sustain anything resembling humanity within us.

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13,14

June 18

Power

 
I'm not sure why but I was thinking about the nature of human kindness today and the whole point of it. Frankly without God I cannot understand why people in general are kind to one another. It seems that most of the world these days shares my sentiments based on what I've seen in the news so far.
 
The humanists who hav abandoned God have philosophised that kindness and "doing unto others..." is simply good sense. They claim that it is the only way to ensure self-preservation. We must be kind to the ones around us so that they will be kind to us. This is rationalizing of course...the humanist need to understand why our morality exists if there is no God.
 
The humanist argument however however is deeply flawed because it only works in a society where all are equal in terms of power. No one has more power then the other - this is one of the foundational thoughts of Marxism and Communism both of which were born out of the enlightenment (which ironically was made possible by the reformation). For a world (universe) without God to work no one can have more power then the other because it is power that leads to corruption and abuse. Theoretically this seems to work - practically speaking it does not. First in order to establish a new order of absolute equality the people must gather together and revolt which in itself is an exercise of extreme power. Then the people must establish a government that exercises power on behalf of the people. This governemnt recognizes that when people gather together they gain power through association and so it limits and restricts the citizen's ability to gather by eliinating churches and other organizations.
 
Such a state rapidly realizes that althouh equality may be mandated within its political boundaries it has no authority over other countries. This is worrisome because a power imbalance may arise on the world stage threatening everything said country has worked for. Therefore the only solution is to maintain a posture of threat and strength or else seek to conquer the world. Another ironic exercise of power in a system that claims to want to eradicate such things.
 
Outside such a state and without a loving God to show an absolute love as a guideline for us the only thing that maintains peace is law. Law enforced by a state empowered by average people who do not want to have to worry about being murdered in their sleep or having their things stolen. Without God there is no innate reason for people to be kind to one-another. Rather we would seek power over one-another as our way of survival (it is happening everywhere).
 
God teaches that we are loved. We are created beings bearing the Creator's image and this creator has said we should love the image bearers as much as we love ourselves and because God loves them too.
 
I think when we fail to love one-another as Christ followers (something we do far too often) it is primarily because we have long moments where we forget that God is there. Our nature is broken and driven by fear. We in the west do not fully understand this becuase we live in comfort and with a broader sense of safety because power levels are relatively equal. Those outside of the west understand what it is like to live in a situation where one's power determines one's survival.
 
More on this later...most of this is a muddled mess because I am tired. I will edit and clarify in time.
 
 
June 14

A Sunday Post

 
A near perfect day today weather wise. Finally. I hav been low on deep thoughts lately. Not sure why. It has been busy. Lots of planning and preparing for various ministry things. Had a bunch of people over during various parts of the day. Had friends over for lunch and a swim; had a bunch of newly minted young adults over to hang out with Han Jin (our Korean exchange student). More simming, some Zombie killing on CoD and then they hung around for dinner.
 
Th pool is resting now after an exhausting day; getting a little refreshed with extra water. I am sitting on the deck now with some Tim's coffee enjoying the still-up-but-setting sun, the cooling air and the sound of lawnmowers droning in the distance while birds begin the twilight chorus. Starting to feel a little poetic.
 
I read John 4 today for my call to worship. It is the section involving the woman at the well...I had a very clear idea of how I wanted to end it with a challenge to come to the well regularly even if it means being challenged by Jesus on our lifestyles and state of being. I think I got that across but it was awkward and not as smooth as I would have liked.
 
The bats should be out soon. I've always liked bats and their mass consumption of mosquitos. I should really build that bat house I've been meaning to build for ten years. I have the plans - just need to get motivated.
 
Well  that's it for now. Hope you all have a good eve!
June 09

Garbage Girl

 
Little dark one
puts on a star
a small one
just 10-watts
but enough
to get
        noticed
 
and she loves
the ashes
on her skin
holds tight
to the sackcloth
torn belle of the ball
treads the trash
and smiles
at the way the sunsparks fly
from the crap
 
little used one
sings in chains
sews a stitch of joy
in every shirt she makes
and changes the world
 
little lamb lost
knows hate and heartache
would be easier
but every smile is God on her lips
this beaten beauty
sings sad and sorrowful
grace-filled garbage girl
prays for the wandering wealthy
who die for a lack of wings
 
and she would give
her 10-watt star
if it would save them
but the blind
know nothing of light
while the dead walk in it
                                  she walks in it
with her pale sun pinned in her hair
carrying salvation on her back
and healing in her cracked hands
singing -
 
"I will bleed for you if you let me"
June 07

A Morning of Rebirth

 
This morning was a brilliant morning. Six people were baptized tday in church and it was something to see! So fantastic to watch people as young as 11 and upwards into their twenties taking the plunge so-to-speak. Best of all were the numerous witnesses watching as each person took a step of obedience dying to themselves and seeking to emulate Jesus through baptism. There upwards of 430 people packed into the church and this is exactly as it should be because baptism is a public affair.
 
Pastor D. led us in some great musical worship and the singing really did flood the space filling every last nook and cranny. We went a good half hour over our typical service and that's with Pastor P. graciously sacrificing about 90 percent of the sermon he had prepared. It really was a festival of sorts.
 
After the service we were invited over to one of the baptized's homes for lunch and celebration. I ate far too much (which means I ate what I usually ate). I played football with my son Caleb which was a blast and then we went and picked up my eldest son Matthew who had a GREAT weekend at another church's family camp with a friend.
 
Finally wecame home and I went swimming with my daughter Itsy and one of her friends. The pool was warm and refreshing and now I am relaxing on the deck with the laptop writing to you, good friend that you are. In the midst of all of this celebration of new life and rebirth I am conscious of the pain dear friends are going through right now. My heart aches for them and their loss. I think also of my father-in-law Mack who lost a grand-daughter and great grand-daughter to a fire last week and I am conscious of how fragile what we have is. I pray that I can find a deeper sense of God's joy that perseveres through pain and suffering.
 
June 06

More on Flannery O'Conner

 
I have read three short stories by O'Conner now and I have a few thoughts. First it seems as though she focuses on a couple of primary themes. She has a preoccupation with the interior life of the person. By that I mean that she spends a good deal of time showing the conflict between the inner mind and the reality of the world. In fact much of the conflict that arises between characters seems to be as a result of the gulf that exists between how characters understand one-another (or misunderstand).
 
Another major theme seems to be that of entrapment. Characters stress seems to result primarily from a sense of being trapped in circumstance or life situation.
 
The two themes play off each feeding one-anther. The sense of entrapment feed the conflict and the conflict feeds the sense of entrapemnt. It is also interesting to note how deeply the characters judge one-another based solely on small actions. The irony is that our own view of the protagonist's inner life suggests that to judge them based upon various actions would be significantly wrong.
 
There are other themes that run through the writing. Cultural themes based upn the context of early 20th century United States and the South which include racism and civil rights. It will be interesting to see how these ideas develop through her writing. The O'Conner book I have contains the stories in chronological order so seeing themes develop should be possible.
 
That's it for now - if you've read any O'Conner let me know.
June 03

Back from The Jaw with Flannery O'Conner

 
Back from Moose Jaw today! Glad to be home. I said hello to everyone and then went outside and jumped into the pool. Temp is rising - we're at 75 degrees F. Very nice.
 
It was a good trip and had a great time hooking up with Jerven and others. The trip there and back in the van with D. and my other co-workers would have made the whole thing worthwhile all by itself. They are all great.
 
I picked up a few books while on the road:
 
- Barth for Armchair Theologians by John R. Franke
- For Young Men Only by Jeff Feldham & Eric Rice
- Dating by Hayley Di Marco (this is for teaching out youth - not me)
- Prayer by Karl Barth
- Christians at the Cross by N.T. Wright
 
Very good books all but the one I am most excited about is The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Conner. There are few fiction writers who have been quoted more then O'Conner. The bio at the beginning and the first story I am reading (The Geranium) have convinced me that I will love O'Conner. The amazing thing about this noted American author is that she died at the young age of 39.
 
Let me know if you've read anything by O'Conner.
June 02

Moose Jaw

 
I'm in Moose Jaw.
 
So far so good.
 
I'm here attending my denominational district conference with a few hundred others and it's been good to hook up with old friends and meet new ones. Lot's to do when I get back but for now I'm enjoying the comaraderie.
 
Not much in way of an update. See you when I get home.
 
May 30

Had a Dream...

 
I had a dream several days ago that I keep meaning to write down because for some reason I can't forget it.
 
It was an average dream but unusual for me simply because it was average. Here's how it went:
 
I walked through the bedroom door to the deck and leaned on the railing. I looked out and as far as the eye could see was green flat prairie under a bright overcast sky. In the distance on the horizon a fair ways off I saw eight tornados form in a row. I knew they were all headed my way. Not sure how. No sense of fear or worry but a great sense of needing to be prepared.
 
Then I woke up. Weird. That's it.
 
I like to joke that I am the world's worst prophet. If I think it will happen it won't...guaranteed. So there's no point in writing my ideas about what the dream might have meant. Maybe it's simply undigested pizza from the night before. Who knows.
May 27

It's Like That...

 
once
as a child
I lay flat
on the bottom
of the pool
looking up
through
the water
and
there was sun
there was air
there was my blue sky
but
I couldn't move
I couldn't breathe
paralyzed and panicked
just an observer
awaiting the forever fade
yeah -
          it's like that...
May 26

Life and Death

 
I have noticed that we do not fear violence
but rather we embrace cold colosseum
son come watch the gunpowder discharge
daughter see the fists and knives in 1080p
look as the children of God kill each other
in high definition
 
and
      be
          entertained
 
I have noticed that we run from sex
we hide small eyes from
                                    the unclothed Adam
                                    the unclothed Eve
this is too much for you - BE AFRAID
 
I pondered these things for some time
realizing the truth in it all
we we have always run from the creative in ourselves
always hid from bright light
and held the dead things tight
like dark cloaks covering our shame-
that we, like Him, can bring forth life
but chose death in its stead.
 
it makes sense
there is so much more power in life
so little in death

Robin's Egg Sky

 
blue is my robin's egg
tipped upside down
and held above my head
 
my sky is a shell
that hides life
protecting it
from reaching hands

Wandering Whistle

 
a wandering whistle
long lone shrill
a cold hollow tune
swings out from dark
                         earth's end
no trumpet this
but
like the wind
small breath of song
mournful wail
seeks the faithful
in a faithless land
sharp notes like ice
like tears that roll
like tears that rip
falling lyrical
finding that
between a rock
and a hard place
                        is nothing
                        is hell
dry and empty

Lyrics

 
I like lyrics. I like them almost as much as I like the music itself. I like the lyrics to Journey's song - Don't Stop Believing. You should listen to them - I think you would like them too. If you are reading this in Facebook I posted the video to my blog: http://poet.spaces.live.com .

Waiting

 
Waiting. We have rooms designated for it. It is as though we need four walls to contain us while we wait. I do not like waiting. I quite despise it if I am being honest. We wait for many things and in the meantime we try to keep busy with jobs and lives and hobbies and things. Some people seem destined for certain things and certain times. Winston Churchill seemed made to lead Britain in WW2. As though if WW2 had not come along he would have ended up as some irrated angry man running a private boys school somewhere always wondering why he felt as though something were missing. Always wondering why things nagged at him so.
 
The disciples waited for Christ to return. They waited and they waited and they waited. For the most part they did not wait patiently. You can even read the impatience between the lines of scripture. There was a sense that He would come at anytime. That perhaps tomorrow was the day but most certainly within their lives. Their impatience was so great that it comes through the pages of God's inspired word.
 
What happens to a man destined for greatness if the times do not oblige him? Simeon was promised he would hold in his arms the Messiah, the Son of God. He was even told that he would not die until this came to pass. How must it have been for him to wait for this? He was an old man when it finally happened.
 
I think how we wait is a test of our faith in what we are waiting for. I am guessing that Simeon waited patiently. His words uttered in the Gospel of Luke after having finally been given the child messiah to hold suggest a person of trust and faith:
Lord, now you let your servant depart in peace according to your word.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared before the face of all people,
a light to lighten the Gentiles and the glory of your people Israel.

The question we should ask ourselves is not "what" are you waiting for but rather "how" are you waiting for it?

May 22

When Faith & Politics Collide

 
The latest survey from the Pew Forum on Religious and Public Life has found a disturbing figure. 62 percent of white, evangelical Protestants in the United States say the use of torture is sometimes justifiable compared with just 40 percent of the religiously unaffilitaed. This is radically backwards. There is nothing in scripture to support this attitude. Torture is wrong.
 
So if the Bible does not support torture where do these Christians get there ideas from? They get them from the world, particularly the political world. This is what happens when religion and politics begin to mix. When Christians are supposed to be Republicans. When this happens we begin to assume that the political world we are affiliated with teaches us the same things Christ does. It does not. It works the same way when Mainline Christians assume they are supposed to be Democrats too.
 
I have been teaching lately on the imitation of Christ and why that is so important. How imitating Christ offers the world a living vision of God. When Christians support things like torture the world assumes we're still imitating and emulating Christ.
 
Do not trust that the world fully overlaps with your faith in the areas you assume it does. Do the work yourself and do not rely on political parties to line up with your faith. Read the Bible for yourself, pray through it and decide in conversation (midrash) with other faithful Christians friends what God meant when He said "love your enemies".
 
For a Christian to support torture is nonsense.
May 21

The Sky Crawlers


I would like to get this newly released anime film called The Sky Crawlers. Has some fantastic themes explored like youth angst and apathy as well as a culture willing to fabricate war for entertainment. There's a good article about it here:

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=8269


May 19

Creation? Evolution? Intelligent Design? What Would Augustine Have Said?

 
A little of all or none at all? Such a wonderfully controversial topic how could I not weigh in on it? Here is a link too an absolutely fantastic article on the debate published by Christianity Today by scholar and theologian Alistair McGrath. The article plumbs the mind of Augustine foor some wonderful insights we should all apply to our reading of scripture. Let me know what you think?
 
 
May 18

Eminem and the Nature of Ugly

 
I have to admit I am a fan of Eminem but not for the reasons you might expect. I am looking forward to hearing his latest album Relapse but once again not for the reasons you might expect. Most of the folks who go out to buy the album when it comes out tomorrow will blindly appreciate everything about it and possibly even decide to participate in the very activities it is attempting to disdain. This is a sad lack of discernment but then many in our culture lack discernment.
 
Discernment BTW is not the ability to avoid evil but rather the ability to comprehend the whole and differentiate between the good and the evil and even distinguish when the two are hopelessly intertwined (as I suspect Relapse will be).
 
I struggle with the ugly. I ask myself if I should even bother listening to Relapse. I've read the reviews and I know that it is really not a pop album at all but an artist's kathartic biographical work. Eminem continues to try to exercise the demons that control him by being open and honest about what he's struggling with and what he has been through. Sadly it is clear that he is filled with a brutal hate and part of the point of this album is being honest with that too.
 
Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
 
While the verse does not preclude dwelling upon the ugly it makes it clear that there is a place where we should park our brains and it is that which is praiseworthy.
 
So the question then is - can there be value in the ugly? Is there value in dwelling upon pain? The danger of staying in a place like that is that you would slowly come to enjoy the dark and the ugly for their own sake. The value come from learning to engage the ugly. Learning to participate vicariously in the toher's pain and suffering so that one can empathize and identify with a deep need that only God can fulfill.
 
I will listen to Eminem primarily to engage with his pain and try to understand something of the nature of the ugly. I will also recognize that despite his themes and language Eminem is an incredibly talented poet and lyricist and while I cannot agree with everything he says I cannot deny the ability.
 
Will I let my seven year old daughter listen to it. Of course not. Why? She lacks the talent to discern. She does not know how to interpret art created to exploit and and art created as an outlet for pain. She does not know how to empathize with that pain and pray for the artist's relief. One day she will but not yet. If she models herself on Christ then she will develop His ability to look into the worst of pain and empathize and engage it directly. She will recognize that one of God's most powerful acts was to actively look directly at the ugliness of broken creation and determine to enter into it, be impacted by it and transform it. She will be able to look into the heart of darkness and see the potential for life and not be drawn into its blackness because she is anchored in a good and gracious God. I hope all of my children will be able to do this.
 
I will listen to Eminem's new album but there are some that shouldn't. This is neither arrogance nor is it elitism - it is simply the truth. The trick then is asking yourself if you are discerning enough to engage the material or if you should, for now, avoid it.
May 17

Young/Old

 
Ohhhh man...floor hockey tonight was especially brutal on me. Every joint on my left side is killing me. I wondered if I would have hurt this much 10 or 20 years ago...I decided I wouldn't but I also realized I wouldn't have been playing 10 or 20 years ago because I wasn't as relational. It is amazing how much a person can change over the course of 20 years. How much one can learn and how much one can stay the same.
 
You know despite the fact that I have been alive for 41 years, have more experience and knowledge, I don't feel much different in my inner self then when I was 12. My thought's voice is the same. My fascinations are the same. I ask myself the same basic existential questions like:
 
- when will I die?
- what will it be like?
- what will eternity be like?
 
I also noticed that I like pretty much the same things now that I did when I was 12 but I am limited by the reality that 41 year old men generally don't climb trees or go on adventures in the storm sewers beneath the town. They also don't spend all their money on candy and comics. No, there is an societal expectation of the 41 year old man; that he will be a certain way and dress a certain way and speak a certain way. This is sad on many levels...to lose one's childlikeness is a death of sorts and I resist it as strongly as I can. I think there is something valuable and living about it that I must hang on to. I don't really feel age. I mean I feel it in my joints, I see it in my face, but I don't feel it - my thoughts are as young as ever...I hope they stay that way.
May 13

The Confiteor & The Act of Contrition

 
I am doing some research on the practice of confession for an upcoming sermon and stumbled across some prayers of my childhood.
 
There are two prayers from my Catholic childhood that continue to echo in my mind to this very day. I remember many of the prayers like the Our Father, the Glory Be, the Hail Mary, etc. but those only come to me upon willful recall. The Act of Contrition and The Confiteor however, come often and of their own free will. When they come they are usually jumbled together because in many ways they are cut from the same cloth. Both prayers are prayers of confession - one is personal and the other corporate.
 
          The Confiteor
 
I confess to almighty God,
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;
and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin,
all the angels and saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

 

          The Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry
for having offended Thee
and I detest all my sins
above every other evil
because they displease Thee, my God,
Who, in Thy infinite wisdom,
art so deserving of all my love
and I firmly resolve
with the help of Thy grace
never more to offend Thee
and to amend my life.
Amen.

The Confiteor is a corporate prayer which opens every mass and is started by the priest while the entire congregation joins him in finishing it. The Act of Contrition is the prayer said after having participated in confession (the sacrament of reconciliation/penance).

For no reason that I am aware I often find the words of these prayers bouncing around in my mind in the midst of daily thoughts some 27 years after my last regular attendance of mass and confession. The words are in some way comforting because they offer a kind of formal apology to God and the community for harms I have done them. They are also something of a period at the end of confession and yet they continue to come back. It is as though, of all the prayers I have learned, these two are the strongest reminders of our endless need of God's grace.

We seek forgiveness, repent and are forgiven by a gracious God. The stubborn return of these prayers to my mind is a constant reminder of my need to live in His grace because my state is one of constant brokenness. A state of healed, being healed and will be healed. A state of forgiven, being forgiven and will be forgiven. The struggle is always to allow the awareness of my sin to drive me to the joy of His grace and not to hopelessness.

 

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Peter Cantelon

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